Modern dating is a rollercoaster: thrilling at first, exhausting fast. You swipe, match, chat—then poof, they’re gone.

Sounds familiar? It’s not just you. And dating apps aren’t the only issue; it’s how most people use them.

When I tried online dating, the experience taught me that I needed to understand that online dating requires a different skill set than meeting potential dates in real life. And in that process, it became crystal clear that if I didn’t understand the psychology behind attraction, communication, and connection applied online, I’d keep running into the same frustrations.

I am part of a few dating group chats, I’ve noticed a lot of people share a common feeling: frustration. The daily and weekly struggles they face, often because of a lack of understanding and experience, are pretty relatable.

One big problem is that making real connections is tough, even after chatting for hours every day.

One guy was venting about his dating life, saying, “I totally need a break. I met this girl, we went on three dates, and then out of nowhere, she tells me she’s not ready for a relationship.“
He was really thrown off and couldn’t figure out why it ended like that.

When someone asked about this particular dating experience, it became clear what might have gone wrong. He said they’d been chatting almost every day for weeks, sharing all sorts of personal stuff. They enjoyed their dates and had great talks, so he was stumped about where it all went wrong. He thought maybe they just weren’t on the same wavelength.

But that thinking was way off. So, what do you think went wrong in this scenario? Any ideas?

Relationships are a big part of life, and honestly, most people struggle when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex.

I don’t think I know anyone who hasn’t faced some tough moments in their relationships.

But here’s the bright side—you can absolutely learn how to date with confidence and actually have fun while you’re at it.

The journey of dating is a path of growth and learning, and with the right mindset, it can be a rewarding experience.

A Small Hidden Truth About Dating

Let me share a quick story. A few years ago, I was at a birthday party in Angel, London, and this guy got curious about what I do. My friend introduced me as a life and dating coach, and suddenly, we were deep in conversation.

At one point, I dropped a bombshell on him—only 3% of men really get women. His reaction? “No way. Women are impossible to understand.” He was convinced that women just act however they feel, whenever they want, and that guys will never crack the code. This idea actually comes from Corey Wayne’s book, “3% Men,” which I read ages ago.

After years of diving into male and female psychology, biology, and behaviour and learning that most guys suck at dating, I genuinely believe it’s true and see myself as part of that small group. Now, this is not to brag nor to make you feel small.

A few years back, I might have agreed with this guy. Like most men, I used to think dating was all about luck or playing games. But the reality is that understanding women isn’t about tricks—it’s all about learning behavioural patterns and what makes people tick. And those patterns have to be part of who you are. Basically, you end up becoming an attractive person.

Most men don’t realise that most women don’t fully understand themselves, either.

As humans, we’re emotional creatures, and most of our decisions are influenced by subconscious factors.

Attraction is a primal emotion triggered by certain traits and circumstances that make you attractive to the opposite sex.

This is not something you can consciously choose. However, you can embody certain traits that maximise your chance of becoming attractive.

Once you understand this, dating should stop being confusing and causing you frustrations and start making sense.

Relationships are essential to life, and most people have problems interacting with the opposite sex. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t gone through difficult times in their relationships.

Isn’t it wild that even though relationships are essential to life, most of us never really learn anything about them? Our parents teach us all sorts of stuff; we go to school and cover all kinds of subjects, but connecting with the opposite sex? Not so much.

To make things worse, much of what we think we know about dating and relationships is just plain wrong. We pick up ideas from the media, music, and novels, all influenced by people who themselves don’t really have a clue, and often, these ideas are meant to make us think a certain way.

This leads us to hold on to unrealistic beliefs and chase after fantasies that only exist in movies, songs, and books.

We are where we are now due to tremendous confusion.

I remember a 36-year-old woman I coached with over 100 questions about men! She couldn’t figure out why, being successful and beautiful, she was still single and why men didn’t approach her.

Are you looking to step up your dating and relationship game? In that case, the first thing you should focus on is making sure you’re on the right track instead of just doing what everyone else does. It’s critical to figure out what makes some people good at relationships and to recognise what you might be doing wrong.

To get there, you’ve got to shift your mindset and embrace new beliefs about how people behave and what really attracts guys to girls and vice versa instead of buying into all the unrealistic stuff you see in movies.

Ultimately, everything you believe about yourself, the opposite sex, and how you go after love really affects how you act, which in turn influences your success in relationships.

People are so busy and frustrated, and you’ll keep getting ghosted if you don’t know how to capture attention, create interest, and move from texting to a real-life date.

Dating apps promise love at your fingertips—so why does it feel like a dead-end slog?

By the way, I wrote a comprehensive article about dating apps, which you can read here.